wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
