Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
