I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
