I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
