i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
