I am spending my child support on dildos
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
