He had one of those small greek statue penises
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
