Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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