his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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