if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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