I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
