Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
