You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
