Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
