I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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