I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
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