Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
