i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
