it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
