omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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