Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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