there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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