I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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