when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
