just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
