i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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