i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
