Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
