like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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