i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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