I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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