Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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