you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
