If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
