Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
