My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
