my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
