I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
