im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
