we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
