Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
