Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
