If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
