I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
