Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
