I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
