yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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