Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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