i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
