I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
