Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
