half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
